Ok.. so, I totally forgot to write my blog last night. Well, I didn't forget, I just remembered at 11:15 pm when I was already in bed.
Jake cut his first yesterday (or maybe the day before, I didn't check...). So excited for him. May also be the reason he has slept all night without any problems for the past 3 nights. Hmmmmm..... Marlie was happy to visit and see her friend yesterday. She also won a 'dance contest' at a birthday party. She was so excited about that!
Was doing really well yesterday with my diet, until we went to a birthday party (for a dog). So, cute. They had all sorts of goodies for everyone to eat. Well, let's just say, I didn't go over board, but enough to wreck my diet. So, I told Paul I wasn't in the mood for my healthy pork roast I had planned to make for dinner. I wanted PIZZA!!!!!!!!! We ordered a yummy tomato, fresh garlic, sausage, and onion pizza. I also got some tiramisu. SO YUMMY! I didn't binge, thank goodness, but it has soooo much fat and calories, even for just a small amount. I didn't feel too guilty. Still don't. You can't deny yourself. You'll only make yourself miserable, and who wants to be around misery??? I just understand, I need to eat better today ;) Although, if Julie and I go out for breakfast after yoga today, that may be hard to do. BUT, I will just have to. Eggs, wheat toast, and maybe some bacon; We'll see what happens...
Well, I followed what I said I would for brunch with a side of hash browns, only because it came with my order. So, It was probably a total of 9 pts. for everything except hashbrowns... (Before yoga, I had my protein shake and a Luna Bar after my workout... )
I also walked a mile and a half (30 min. walk) with some brief stretching. Then, headed to a yoga class with Julie for an hour and 15 mins. LOVE IT! Feel so relaxed after. It's kind of like getting a good massage. That relaxed, I could take a nap feeling. Had a nice girls girls time out. Needed that! Always good to catch up and talk about whatever, and not have to worry about someone needing something from you every second of the day. We all need a little break here and there to regain our sanity!
So, it's been a very relaxed day since. I had a big bowl of Corn Pops for dinner.... So, I'd say I was on target with my pts. today. However, slacked in the veggie/fruit dept. Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day ;)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Day 5
11-28-11
Today’s menu:
Breakfast:
2 cups of coffee with 2 tbsp creamer: 2 pts.
Fiber one bar Dark Chocolate with Almonds (YUMMY!): 2 pts.
Lunch:
Fiber One pancake Mix
(1 serving which made 4 three inch pancakes-super yummy): 3 pts.
½ banana: 1 pt
Fried egg- 2pts.
1 glass O.J.: 2pts.
Snack:
Protein shake with 6 oz skim milk: 4 pts
Dinner:
BLT’s: 11 pts.
(2 slices Brownberry 12 grain bread, lettuce, tomato, 4 slices of bacon, 1 tbsp of Miracle Whip, and ¼ of an avocado.)
Snack:
Honey Bunches of Oats w/ half cup skim milk: 4 pts.
Caramel/marshmallow chocolate heart: 3 pts
Walked 2 miles today and stretched: add 2 pts. (Active today, but not as much as yesterday, so I won’t add pts., but I’d probably get a pt or 2… Better to go low ;)
Total: 32 pts
Ok, so I got on the scale earlier today just see what was going on… well, there was a discrepancy of about 5 lbs. Depending on where I put the scale. There was a 3 lb. range when it was in just one spot…. Very frustrating. How the heck am I supposed to figure out how much I’ve lost, if I can’t get an accurate reading from my scale?!?!?!
Good day today…. Thinking of taking up a “Latin Heat” class at the gym to help with some core muscles along with cardio… I think it’s like Zumba. Looks fun. We’ll see.
Realized today that the choc. chip Eggos I was eating was worth 5 pts. OOPS! Guess I need to start wearing my glasses. That, and I keep misplacing things… Wow, I have been absent minded a lot since I’ve been ‘dieting’. Hahahaha!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Day 4
1-27-11
Feeling good today. Jake only got up once to feed (2 a.m.), and woke himself up (10:45 pm, of course 10 minutes after I fall asleep… lol), and put himself back to bed after a few minutes of crying. Hate it when babies cry, but he needs to be able to soothe himself back to sleep!
So excited for tonight. I call it “date night”. One my favorite shows is back up with new episodes… Vampire Diaries. YAY! Paul, Marlie, and Jacob know it’s an hour when mommy is supposed to be ‘off duty’, to just sit and relax and enjoy the eye candy ;)
Usually, Thursday “date night” means pizza night. Also means, fend for yourself for dinner night because I don’t feel like cooking and cleaning up after. I love pizza, but who doesn’t? Marlie of course… What kid doesn’t like pizza????? So, she’ll make whatever it is she’d like, and Paul will probably cook a pizza he likes. I usually eat the whole (very thin) margarita pizza to myself (300 calories, 1 gram of fiber and 7 grams of fat per serving… 3 servings total. So that is like 21 pts. on Weight Watchers. OUCH!) So, needles to say, I have cut out a bit for breakfast and snacking and lunch, so I could enjoy my pizza! However, I will only eat 2 servings and enjoy it with a salad…
Daily Menu:
Breakfast:
1 cup of coffee with one tbsp of cream (BOOO): 1 pt.
Snack:
Protein shake with 6 oz 1% milk: 4 pts
Lunch:
2 servings of Progresso Italian vegetable soup: 1 pt.
1 slice Brownberry 12 grain bread: 2 pts.
2 oz turkey deli meat: 1 pt.
Mustard: 0 pts
Snack:
Luna Bar (Lemon Zest): 3 pts
2 cups 97% fat free butter popcorn: 1 pt
Dinner:
2 servings of pizza: 14 pts
Salad with 1 tbsp of salad dressing: 1 pt
Diet/caffeine free coke: 0 pts.
Snack:
2 eggos with whipped cream: 4 pts. Total: 32
*** I get 2 pts for exercising/stretching 1 hour and 2 pts. for being active at my ‘job’ today. Like it when my back allows me to clean and do what I need to do around the house!
So, I only used 28 pts… however, I took a few big bites of Marlie’s homemade spaghetti with meat sauce which probably cost me a couple of pts… BUT, IT WAS SOOO GOOD! I love my sauce!
Ok, so Vampire Diaries comes on after I’m in bed tonight due to some Mayoral debates…. Well, I guess I can watch it tomorrow while I work out. A bit disappointed. So much for my hour off =(
Just trying to tire Jake out so we can go to bed. Paul and I are exhausted!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Day 3
1-26-11
Ok… so, I am going to start using Weight Watcher pts. to keep track of everything. It is much easier than doing calories, because it doesn’t take into account fiber and fat. For anyone curious about how that works, please use the links below. (Thanks, Angie for sending it to me!)
For How to calculate how many pts. you get a day: http://www.ehow.com/how_4871046_calculate-many-weight-watchers-points.html
After calculating, I get 38 pts. However, I am only pumping 3 times daily, versus 6, because Jake is now eating solids 3 times a day, so I cut the points in half from 12 to 6 giving me a total of 32 daily pts. If I am not active and I do not exercise. NOW, if I were to walk for 30 mins. and stretch incorporating my yoga, I can add 2 pts to my total for the day. When I am actively cleaning the house and/or standing most of the day, I can add 2 pts. as well to my day. (Some days, I am more active than others. Just depends on my back that day…) You will need to recalculate frequently, once you’ve lost weight, to make sure you use the right amount of pts. allotted.
Daily Menu:
Breakfast:
Protein Shake with 6 oz. of 1% milk: 4 pts
Coffee with 2 tbsp creamer no sugar: 2 pts
____
6 pts
Mid-day snack:
Luna bar (Caramel Nut Brownie): 4 pts
Glass of V8: 1 pt.
____
5 pts.
Lunch:
Lasagna Cheese Roll Up: 3 pts
Green Beans with a taste of butter: 0 pts
Slice of wheat bread with butter: 3 pts ____
_____
6 pts
Afternoon snack:
4 Hershey Caramel Kisses: 3 pts
Dinner:
6 oz salmon steak: 7 pts
asparagus: 0 pts
mashed potatoes: 3 pts
_____
10 pts
Snack:
2 eggos with whipped cream: 4pts
Total pts: 34
Subtract 2 pts for exercise
New total: 32 pts.
Well, was able to get to the gym. I bought a membership last week, and this is the first I was able to go. It was nice getting an hour and a half to myself. I watched, Sex and the City. It was an old episode… when Aiden and Carrie were first dating. Then, again, walking, I caught myself in a full length mirror…. Disgust! However, I wasn’t wearing the most flattering of outfits for my body type… lol!
Well, another day and another night. Enjoying writing. Kids made me laugh today. Marlie thought she only needed to brush her molars, according to directions from Paul, and Jacob has been rolling all over the living room discovering it for the first time by himself. Fun to watch!
Time to snuggle up with Paul for a few moments before I turn in for the evening. Maybe, if I am lucky, he’ll rub my feet…
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Day 2
1-25-11
Okay, so I grabbed 2 Chip Ahoy cookies before bed… So, add another 106 calories to my total. However, I did very well and probably cut out about 1,000 calories from my normal routine of binge eating due to being tired and still nursing.
I also noticed a few grammar/spelling errors. Sorry! I hate when that happens…
Have had a lot of positive encouragement from several people about my blog. Thanks! I was sharing with a friend, that we hear and see so much negative on a daily basis, we NEED to hear and see more positive. So, thanks for all of your encouragement. Helps me move forward. Just to make my self a bit clear, I love my life and wouldn’t change the way anything happened. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I am just struggling with change, as it does not come easy for most people. I am glad to have you along on my journey! Again, if it helps others out, then I am grateful!
Ok. So what is the rule about eating string cheese while on the treadmill??? I needed to eat, so I wouldn’t pass out while working out ;) Feel much better after a 1 ½ mile walk and stretch. My back is thankful too. Can’t wait to go to Yoga on Sunday, but mostly to hang out with my friend and eat breakfast after! LOL!
Now, trying to figure out what to make for dinner… I think I will make lasagna Florentine roll ups. Then some type of veggie with garlic bread… YUMMY! I always want to please Paul, and, therefore get frustrated when he says he doesn’t care what I make because it all tastes great. Oh well. Should just be thankful he enjoys my cooking!
Day finally coming to an end. It was a great day, and I feel good to have touched a few peoples lives. Now, to relax with my family and enjoy some GLEE!
Calories for today: (-200 for walking/stretching)
Breakfast:
Protein Shake- 183
Coffee with cream and a pinch of sugar- 180
Mid-morning snack:
Oatmeal with fiber- 160
String cheese- 60
Lunch:
Chicken breast, broccoli, and mashed potatoes- 265
8 oz of 1% milk- 110
Afternoon snack:
2 cups of popcorn- 60
4 caramel Hershey kisses- 85
Can of Sprite-140
3 dried pineapple pieces- 20 … boy I hope I don’t binge before dinner… sooooo hungry!
Dinner:
(1) Cheese lasagna roll ups- (140) with sauce and cheese???? Add another 60 calories
Garlic toast (140)
Green beans (30)
Snack: (2) Chocolate Chip egos (not sure on calories, but not too many maybe 200 or less) with some whipped cream-60
So, if I stick with that my approximate calorie intake is 1,893, then subtract 200 for exercise= 1693.
GOTTA LAY OFF SO MUCH CREAMER with my coffee… naaaa =D
Monday, January 24, 2011
Introduction and Day One Into My 'Diet' and Life
Searching for a New Me…
Introduction…
This is a journal written about me, Kim, a middle aged (37 years) woman who has lost her ‘self’, and is desperately trying to find it again…
Where did I loose myself? Back in 2000, my life was changed dramatically when I realized at the age of 28 and just graduating college, I was going to be a single mother. (I was in a relationship with an alcoholic and drug addict, although I didn’t realize how heavily into drugs he was. I just thought it was an occasional recreational relationship with pot. WOW! Was I wrong! To make a long story short, because this not about my relationship with the sperm donor, he was a very troubled young man from things that happened to him as a young boy and never wanted to seek help other than in the form of self-medicating through a bottle, drugs, and/or sex.) I realized once I took the pregnancy test and it came out positive, I would be a single mother. I believe my first word/thought was, “FUCK!” Then, thoughts flooded me with desperation of, “How was I going to do this alone? I just graduated with my teaching degree a week ago and have no job. My parents were down state, and HE is an idiot who can’t keep a job to save his life, because he is too hung over from the night before to go to work. Should I have an abortion? Should I give her up? Should I keep her? Maybe if I keep the baby, since he wanted to have her, he’ll change.”
WRONG! I had to take the first job I could find to make money and get insurance because I was keeping her. So, I ended up working as a full time sub at an inner city (Chicago
On, 9-04-01, my daughter was born. Marlie Marie. How beautiful she was! And, 3 days later, there I was, on a hot, Chicago summer day moving about 2 ½ hours away from my Chicago home, away from all of my friends, and from a job to live with my parents in the sticks, near Champaign, IL. But, mostly I moved away from my identity. I was no longer, Kim, the skinny, beautiful model, fun, energetic, outgoing, no responsibility -except to myself-, Kim. I was someone’s mother.
I ended up working part time as a sub at a school where my parents taught years ago and at a retail store. I got on welfare and public assistance for insurance. HOW DEMEANING! I was an educated woman on welfare. I was mortified.
To make matters worse, after a month of trying to make Marlie’s dad want to be a dad, I told him he needed to make a decision: Marlie or alcohol/drugs. He walked away and never looked back… I took him to court about 5 months later to get child support. Over the next 5 years, it came and at times there was nothing. Not enough to help with the cost of raising a daughter, that’s for sure.
I did end up getting a full time teaching position in the Chicago Heights School District Park Forest , IL Markham
Going back to school was a very difficult decision for me, since I would then have to send Marlie to live with my parents (who had recently moved) in Iowa
7 months later, I found out on St. Patrick’s Day I was pregnant. However, I lost the baby a few days later and gained about 7 lbs. So, I also decided to quit smoking. I wanted another baby, and so did Paul. I watched my weight go up another 15 lbs. Didn’t want to diet and risk anything to my health to become pregnant.
Paul and I ended up moving in together about 9 months after we started dating. I quit my job in Markham and began looking around for a job in the Lake County
Well, at the end of my teaching contract, I lost my job. I was devastated. Who the heck is going to hire an 8 month pregnant woman? I freaked out! Specialty programs, like Reading Specialists, were being cut due to poor funding. And, let’s face it. With today’s economy and everyone pinching/saving money where they can, Administrators would rather hire a new teacher with no experience and a BA instead of a teacher with 10 years experience and a MA. I was screwed! I NEEDED a job! I have always had to work. I have always had to be in control! I can’t stay home with a new baby. I’d loose my mind!
Well, here I am 6 months after my son, Jacob, was born, a stay at home mom collecting un-employment. I am lonely most of the time. Everyone is working. I don’t have a lot of friends around. My friends who are married with kids work, and are tired when they get home and want to spend their time with their families. I did too when I was working. Then, there are my single friends who like to live the party life. I can’t go out and drink it up like I used to. Nor, do I want to. I have to take care of my family, and my kids don’t care if I am hung over, or tired. They have needs, and I chose to take on the responsibility of being a parent. Then, there are others trying to figure out their own lives... So, I need to make more friends who are available… maybe I can meet people in a mommy and me type club.
However, on a positive note, I enjoy watching my son grow, learning and developing daily. I have bonded with him in a way I could not with my daughter, since I was trying to make money to give her what she needed to grow and be healthy. Marlie enjoys having a mom that is home now when she gets home from school. I can help her with her homework, and I’m not too tired from the day to help her. I am slowly realizing, I do not want to go back to teaching. I do want to work, but not in a classroom. I would love to tutor kids in reading/writing and work on my own writing. I have so many ideas already. I have some short stories already written, but need to develop the others. I also need to just send them in to the publishers, and not be afraid of rejection!
I have also been able to play around in the kitchen, a lot! I have always loved cooking and am able to have fun with it now. I am always looking for new recipes to make. Paul has been grateful too! In being at home, with access to a nice sized kitchen, and food, I have not been so lucky this time around loosing all of my baby weight in 10 days like my first pregnancy. With my first pregnancy, I lost 52 of the 60 lbs I gained in 10 days. Then, I went on to loose the last 8 pounds and an extra 20 lbs. after 3 months of having Marlie. This time around, I am in my late 30’s, had a C-Section, and am nursing. I lost 25 lbs within the first several weeks, but, I still need to loose 30 lbs. of baby weight, AND, another 20+ lbs I gained from loosing the baby and quitting smoking. The good thing is, I haven’t gained any weight. Just maintaining the weight I am now. Very frustrating! I also want to eat everything that isn’t nailed down… lol!
The other day, I caught reflection in a store mirror and was HORRIFIED! I still look 5-6 months pregnant. I can’t fit into normal clothes. I am embarrassed to go out. I am embarrassed that my kids have a ‘fat’ mom, and Paul has a ‘fat’ partner. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry about it. The weight will go away after I am done breastfeeding. (“Don’t cut calories, otherwise you won’t produce enough milk”… is ingrained in my every thought when I think about dieting.) I also feel guilty about stopping the breast feeding, since I know it’s the best nutrition for my son. I am also sad knowing that when I stop, I will no longer be the sole source of his well being.
So, what do I do? I need to get my life back. I need to put myself first. If I am not happy, no one will be. I need to be able to be sure of myself again, to go out into public and not feel embarrassed, to feel good in my body again, and to not feel guilty about wanting things for myself. I need to make more friends. I need to figure out what I want to do for a career and not be afraid of rejection, or trying things that I enjoy doing. I need to have my family be proud of me, even though they tell me they are proud of me, love me and are thankful I have made all of these ‘sacrifices’ for them. But, that’s just it…. sacrifices for all of them! Granted I was willing to make those sacrifices to get the family I wanted, but now I need to find me again; a new me. I know I will never be the same wild, through caution to the wind, carefree girl I used to be. Nor, do I want to go back to that time. I know I will not be as thin as I used to be and am fine with that. I just want a healthy me. A me I can smile at when I see my reflection in a mirror.
So, how do I get there? Where do I begin? I think once I start loosing weight, I will gain more confidence to look for everything else I need to make me the woman I am destined to become. How do I continue helping myself? By moving forward in my journey trying to attain my new goals and by keeping a journal to record my thoughts, (Writing for me has always been a good way to help me emotionally.) I can work on my writing and keep an accurate record and reflect on all events, moods, success, and failures. And, maybe, help someone else as well.
Phase 1… Loosing Weight and Everyday Life
Goal (short term)- To loose the last 30 lbs from the pregnancy.
Goal (long term)- To loose a total of 50 lbs. To get back to a size 12 dress and 160 lbs.
1-24-11
Measurements:
Height: 5 ft. 10 inches
Weight: 211.9 lbs
Dress size: who knows… 16 or 18.
Bust- HUGE! Still nursing… went from a DD to God only knows…. A little over 44 inches
Waist: 43 ½ inches
Hips: 48 inches
Arms: 13 inches
Thighs: 26 ¼ inches
***I will weigh and take measurements every Monday.
Daily Diet: (And, still pumping 3 times a day…)
Sipping on water all day
Well, for breakfast…. 2 cups of Coffee with cream, lots of cream, and a pinch of sugar. (around 200? calories due to the cream and sugar)
Pump at 9 am for 10 oz.
Mid morning snack: A caramel nut brownie Luna bar (180 calories)
Lunch: 4 SmartOnes cheese pizza minis. (270 calories)
Mid day snack: protein shake (100 calories) with ½ cup of 1% milk (55 calories)
Guess I need to eat some fruits and veggies!
Snack: Half a banana (45 calories)
Pump at 2:30 pm for 5 oz
Nap from 3:10 pm to 4:30 p.m. aaaahhhh! LOVE NAPS!
Munch on some chip crumbs (calories???? 60)
6 dried pineapple pieces (40 calories)
Dinner: Roasted chicken breast ( not sure, but not many calories. 200? )
Mashed potatoes ( ½ for 140 calories)
Broccoli (1 cup for 25 calories, plus touch of butter )
8 oz of 1% milk (110 calories)
Pump at 9 pm a total of 6 oz
Snack: ½ cup of strawberry ice cream (130 calories)
Total calories: approximately 1,555
Thoughts for today: Not much going on today, other than starting a blog. Excited about that! Always wanted to do it, but just never got around to setting one up.
Jacob being very good today and entertaining himself, so I could write. He’s such a good little boy. He is teething and can be a bit unhappy at times. His poor gums are so swollen. I anticipate a tooth any day now! Not sure about how I feel on loosing his little gummy smile. I am excited for him, but realize he is growing out of his infant stage and becoming a more independent toddler. I like him relying on me, most of the time. Except, for the mid night feedings and wake-ups. Those I can definitely do without! However, I did catch a nap with him this afternoon. He is still sleeping though…. Wish I could! But, I can’t. Too much to do, and Marlie comes home soon.
A bit nervous about watching calorie input for fear of loosing milk production, hence the protein shakes. Hopefully that will help me keep producing the “liquid gold” of nutrition.
Marlie has cheer gymnastics tonight. I taking her because I can relax with a book or go grocery shopping without the hassle of dragging kids. It’s just me… time to reflect and my brain a moment to not worry about anything.
Didn’t have time for exercise today. Devoted all my time to writing and taking care of Jake. I didn’t even shower yet. NICE! Oh well.
Well, I did finally manage to take a shower. I decided whether or not to work out instead of reading a book while Marlie is at cheer tumbling, but I am opting for just reading a book. My brain hurts!
Shared my blog with Paul. He is happy for me that I have found an outlet to express myself. He is supportive of my decisions and loves me no matter what. So do my kids and family. That makes me happy!
Enjoyed reading tonight and NOT being interrupted while doing it. Exhausted and a bit hungry. BUT, not going to give in to eating crap because I am hungry!
Kids in bed by 9:30 pm and I am watching the news and spending a few minutes of quiet time with the love of my life. Then, off to bed for much needed sleep. Didn’t really get to bed until 2 am this morning. Jake had a rough night. I think his gums are bothering him. After a bottle and some Tylenol at 1:30 am, he slept peacefully until 6:30 this morning. Hope tonight is a better night.
Sweet dreams!
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